Wally World Wonders

La La,

WOW. I wish we had spoken this morning for our regular morning chat. This perhaps would have thrown off my morning, and I could have avoided this unique experience.

I went to the gym. After wards I decided to quickly run into Walmart to exchange a picture frame that was damaged when the cashier packaged up my purchases. EASY quick in and out I am thinking.

On the drive over I decided my sports bra needed to be removed.It was digging into my side. So at a traffic light, I put to task the college learned skill of removing my bra with shirt still on. I still have the skill, I can proudly say.

There I am in the long line of returns at Walmart. Exactly 11 people in front of me. And one motorized wheelchair. I am not clear what happened exactly. I was busy attempting to figure out if my ringing phone was text, email or call? When I did look up I saw, the “lady” in the motorized wheel chair and the man in front of her clearly in a heated exchange of words.

I could not hear at first, and then I COULD. Apparently she ran over his heels with her buggy. And did not apologize. At which point he said, “ you fat ass, you almost killed me”

Her reply was “move your ass out of my way”
He turned around and poured a gallon of orange juice on her.
WAIT it gets better.
The guy behind the motorized wheel chair lady takes a few steps, swings at the OJ man. BUT misses and lost his balance and FELL on the oversized buggy babe. When he was on his way down he hit his chin and his mouth started to bleed.

Now the lady in screaming “ You &%*(@ get off me. MY LEGS MY LEGS you broke my legs” at the guy who defended her. Now the guy who poured the OJ on her is laughing. And by now the daughter of motorized buggy babe has returned from buying cigarettes and gets involved. She throws a fist at the OJ guy. NOW Walmart's A -Team security is involved. And someone calls 911 for the bloody guy.
The older man behind me says “ My money is on the fat lady, they always win” Which was not funny at the time, but now, that’s funny to me.
Keep in mind I have the broken picture frame, no bra, running shorts and the phone is buzzing and beeping to the annoyance of everyone around.

All 11 people are taken to a holding area because the Mayberry gang said we all witnessed the incident and it needed to be documented .The Walmart break room was their choice. Fancy.
The motorized lady is sticky and her "my eyes are burning, my eyes are burning,and my legs are broken" was shipped in an ambulance.She was screaming both statements over and over.
Man behind me said ” that woman has so much meat on her, there ain’t no way a skinny little Mexican can break her” I didn't know whether I should nod in agreement or pretend I didn’t hear his statement?
And the OJ guy was taken to the manager’s office.

By the time they got to me, at the back of the line, they could care less what I had to say.
And when I was asked, “have you ever been convicted of a felony?” For some reason I replied with
“ convicted, no”. I meant it to be funny, but my timing was off. Officer James just arched his brow at me.
As the Sheriff said “ it’s not like we found the second sniper in Dallas. It’s a bunch of white trash, low class people shopping at Walmart. It’s a daily occurrence”

Yep..No bra, running clothes, glasses, and a broken picture frame make me a card caring member of the white trash gang. SWEET.

OH how the mighty have fallen. My days of Lord Taylor cashmere, perfectly coiffed corkscrew curls, and fresh makeup is long gone. Branded white trash . NICE!
**Footnote: Because I know you will ask, I DID have a sweatshirt on over the tee shirt.


THIS is dedicated to my dear married in NJ, La La. Her spirit and spunk and friendship are a blessing.
With a shout out to JB.